Wednesday, May 2, 2012


I have been trying to thinking of something pithy to say by way of self introduction, but nothing is coming.  The truth of the matter is that at times I want to write about things that are on my mind, but I don't exactly want to share these things with people I already know.  People judge, they have expectations, and they have loads of advice.  None of these things are inherently bad, but at times I want a space from where I can speak freely without the judgement, expectations, and advice of people who have known me in the past in my actual meat-space life.  Hence, blog.

When I was younger, there were a number of people amongst my close friends who used to talk a lot about the things they wanted to do, and it often came couched in terms that indicated these things were not just ideas or desires, but actual plans.  Most of the time these things turned out to be nothing more than  talk.  Over time I noticed and was perturbed by the empty words.  I didn't want to talk like that.  I've tried hard not to talk like that, but no one has ever pointed out the times I've failed, so I don't really know if I'm successful or not.  Regardless of present success, I try to do things and then talk about them when and if they become a part of me or my life.  No empty plans.

I am, I think like many people, on a constant journey of bettering myself.  Over times the idea of a "better" self shifts and changes, and aspects of myself will invariably wax or wane in priority.  There are things that I know I am in no way able to change (How does one become smarter, for example?), and there are things that I have little motivation to change (spinsterhood does not suck).  There are also things that I feel I can and want to take on, and so here I am, attempting to make myself accountable (in whatever esoteric sense) for those things.  I know that I will never be perfect, and frankly there are aspects of myself that while imperfect to others are just fine to me.  See "little motivation to change", above, and if that doesn't work, just picture one of my hands simultaneously clutching a stein of beer and presenting the "fuck you" finger.

That said, the thing that is presently of interest to me is my physical self.  I don't think that fit people are particularly better or more motivated than the populace at large, but I feel that I can and want to become more fit myself.  I've been in a climbing rut for awhile now, and while I can blame its inception on injury and major life changes, the only thing I can blame for its persistence is myself.  I feel "fat" (used here not to reflect on weight alone), and I've decided to stop whining about it and get off my ass and change it.  Assuming that things here start to improve, I will at least be able to look into a full-length mirror without disgust.  I've tried and continue to dislike running, so I'm starting to lift.  I'm just shy of two weeks in to a weight-lifting version of couch to 5k, so I can't go boasting about anything happening to me, except that I'm pleased at myself for doing it.

So the blog starts here.  It starts with me wanting to talk about what it's like to start going to a gym.  It might be the first thing I've taken on with a feeling of "I can do better", or maybe it's just the first thing I'm writing about.  Either way, I'm talking and doing.

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